Truly Madly Deeply, Not
by irmak
Summary: Five vignettes about what Logan never managed to be for the women in his life. The titles for each vignette are lyrics from Truly Madly Deeply.


**I'll be your dream**

Caitlin Ford loved her new Birkin bag. It was, like, her life had found a new meaning. She showed off with it, not because she couldn't have afforded to buy it herself, because, _please_, but because it was one of the many gifts she had received since she started dating him. Being the girlfriend of Logan Echolls had its advantages.

All the other girls swooned over the bag, but their eyes were actually narrowed with jealousy. They all wanted someone to spoil them, but no one could pamper a woman like Logan. Duncan was single and all, but they knew he was a bit of basketcase, and he had _dated_ Veronica Mars. Ew. Actually, the money he had would more than make up for that, but he was still all mopey after her. Pathetic, much? So, Logan Echolls was _the_ king, and all the girls wanted to be Caitlin. Of course, you know, her being beautiful did help, too.

Logan seemed to be everything a girl could ever want. Caitlin knew that. Oh, she would _so_ marry him. It was almost, like, inevitable. But whenever she closed her eyes, slowly falling into a dream, Chardo appeared every time. Right on top of her, moving in and out so slowly, as she writhing with his burning caresses. Logan never actually made love to her, they just had sex, you know? He wasn't this awesome guy he showed the world as he entered her fully in one deep thrust, never considering what she wanted as he increased his tempo. He thrusted deep into her, not quite realizing how painful it might get. The more she tried to arch her body into his, the more angry he got, as if he didn't like to remember who he was there with in the first place. Caitlin could even swear she heard him murmuring that bitch Lilly's name once. After she felt him explode inside, he would give her this smallest kiss on the cheek and turn his back to go to sleep.

Not that she minded or anything, because it was her time with Chardo that she remembered when she dreamed. She relived his fingertips tracing down her body, his lips touching hers passionately, yet slowly, his tongue on her nipples that ached with need. She yearned for tenderness, but, whatever, Logan more than made up for it outside of bed, and anyway she had Chardo to give her what she needed in bed. She made sure that she was getting it one way or another.

Caitlin loved being Logan's girlfriend. But she _loved_ her dreams even more. 

**I'll be your wish**

Kendall Casablancas might be famous for many things but pride wasn't one of them. Thank God, she had suppressed that awful affliction in her youth. Since she was seven, she had dreamed about being a movie star, always smiling, always under the spot lights. She knew she never belonged in that trailer park. She certainly didn't belong to her white trash mom or to the man who visited their trailer only once, to fuck Kendall's mom nine months before she was born.

Becoming a Laker girl wasn't like being Julia Roberts or anything, but at least she had found the way out she always wanted. The rest was easy. Although, yes, she had miscalculated once and made her move on a married guy. The problem wasn't that she couldn't get him, because, she got him alright, but she had underestimated his wife and paid the price. Kendall had learned her lesson, so when she laid eyes on Dick Casablancas she knew exactly what to do to get her claws into him. Her wishes had come true.

Kendall loved how her teenage stepsons checked her out, even though teenagers didn't do it for her even when she had been a teenager since she always aimed higher. But when Logan had propositioned her, she just couldn't say no. She knew he hadn't fallen for her or anything, in fact Logan seemed to be banging her to freak out that tiny blond. It wasn't love for her either, you know, just some _fresh meat_ to keep her sane, since she didn't have a gardener. Otherwise, Kendall had everything.

She might have made some bizarre choices in her life, many that had not turned out the way she planned, but she had been happy with her rising fortunes. Then, the unexpected happened. She fell from her privileged status, thanks to her fucking husband who just took off, leaving her nothing but two fucking idiotic kids. Not that she actually cared, or was upset or anything, that he was gone. But God knows, among the many things she had invisioned for her life, begging Logan -_ a fucking teenager_- for some allowance didn't make the list. Thank God, she had lost her pride in her youth.

**I'll be your fantasy**

It was one of those days, and Lilly was _so_ bored. She looked around only to see happy faces, laughing and talking, never realising how dull and overrated their lives were. She stood by Logan's X-Terra thinking how she should get the hell out of Neptune. She needed a change or Neptune would see a Lilly Kane tornado and God knows they sure as hell wouldn't be able to handle that.

Logan was _so _boring, too. He drove to his place, like, in the speed of light, but he was taking off her panties way too slowly, wasting time just staring at her, like he _could_ actually see the real Lilly Kane inside. He never forced himself into her just because he couldn't resist, _no_, he always waited for her to be ready. He touched her clit and teased her, but never managed to pinch it like she wanted even though she _showed_ him the exact way. He pushed a finger inside her, then a second, but the third never came. Just when she actually started having fun, he took them out and he fucking smirked the whole time even though she told him not to, like, a thousand times.

It was always 'push, push, pull', looking into her eyes with his, concerned, and she always had to comfort him that she didn't feel any pain. She wanted to feel, though. _Push, push, pull, push, push, pull_. Lilly felt like closing her eyes and when she opened them Aaron was there. _Thank God_.

He thrusted inside her, whispering into her ear. "I'll fuck you like there's no tomorrow, you little bitch." He held her legs with his both hands, placed them onto his shoulders, only to go deeper. "You like that don't you? You" –_thrust_- "like" –_thrust_- "it" –_thrust_- "hard."

Lilly came as she dug her fingers deep into Logan's skin, screaming. Logan came too, almost in unison with her. When he lay next to her, a content smile on his face, he never noticed that Lilly hadn't opened her eyes.

It was because behind her eyes, Aaron was ready for another round.

**I'll be your hope**

She never was the strong one. Lynn wanted to stand up for her child, but she didn't have neither the mental nor the physical strength. Each time she just sat there, with a glass of whatever-she-could-find-with-alcohol-in-it in her hand, listening to her husband beating the hell out of her son.

She knew she had failed Logan, her son, her own flesh and blood.

When she let go of that bridge, she didn't feel relief like she had imagined. She had expected a white light, angels, and heaven. _No_. After she crashed into the water, there was pain with the slightest moment but then she died. Just like that. But she'd never imagined that her afterlife could be worse than being tormented with brimstone and fire.

Her hell was to wake up everyday to find Aaron crushing his cigarettes out on Logan's skin. Every day, her son looks at her with obvious pain in his eyes.

"Mom, I trusted you. You were supposed to save me, mom! I TRUSTED YOU!"

His screams are soul-shattering but not enough to cause her to drive to the bridge. That takes Aaron fucking some random girls in front of her and only after _that_ Lynn would find the will.

Her hell is the guilt squeezing her heart that everytime she jumps it is because husband loved to fuck around. She knows Logan must be lying in his bed, his eyes open, wondering why the hell his mom had abandoned him like this. She never meant to, but it didn't matter anymore. Logan would hate her as much as he loved her for the rest of his life. She failed to be his only hope.

So everytime she jumps off an excruciating pain takes over her body until she wakes up to find Aaron crashing his cigarettes out on Logan's skin.

This is her hell now. **  
**

**I'll be your love **

He didn't actually mean it when he said he loved her.

Logan stood in front of his locker, trying to look uninterested, but when his hands started shaking, he knew he was failing. He could feel his face twitching in pain. He wasn't going to look, but they were so fucking close, and she was giggling in such a fucking familiar way, that his eyes didn't listen to him. He would have poked them out right then if he could.

They were very much in love. Apparently she had never loved him.

Not that he cared. He never actually loved her, either. It was just one of the things guys say to get past second base. Nothing more.

Later, he watched them kissing in the parking lot. He just had to see the difference, you know? He could have sworn that he saw Duncan's tongue sliding between Veronica's soft lips, touching and playing. He thought he could hear the short breaths Veronica was taking and knew how Duncan must have felt when she touched his back with her fingertips.

Maybe he would bite her lip, that would be _awesome_, since Logan knew she really hated that. Or he could try to fuck her right there, on the hood of her car, and she would beat the crap out of him. That would be nice, too.

But nothing like that happened. Duncan's hand slowly snaked its way down from her neck to her waist, drifting slowly to brush her bottom gently. She giggled and broke the kiss, then they got into the Le Baron and drove away, probably to finish what they had started right in front of Logan's eyes.

Not that he actually gave a damn, but he suddenly had this great the desire to fuck things up between those two lovebirds. Maybe one way would to become friends again with Duncan.

Maybe he would fucking move in with him, just to be there when _she_ fucked Duncan. He wanted to mess with her mind, and Duncan's sex life, just for his own goddamn pleasure. Nothing more. A guy's gotta have a fucking hobby.

No, he seriously didn't care. He had just said _that_, you know, about being in love with her and all, against his better judgment, just to get some action. Why the hell should he give a damn if she had never really loved him anyway?


End file.
